Resolutions Time!

Yep!  That's right!  It's that oh-so-special time of year when we reflect on ourselves- past, present, and future.  People love to joke about New Year's resolutions.  They are silly, pointless, set us up for disappointment, etc.... Yet, we still make them.  Why?  I'll tell you why- because it's good to take some time to self-reflect and think about where we can improve ourselves and our lives.  There's nothing wrong with that!  I'm not saying not to be happy with yourself, I'm just saying that I feel we should always be thinking about ways we could be better versions of ourselves.

Of course there's always the common resolutions- lose weight, quit smoking, get more organized.  Those things are all great and most of us would do well to try for those things.  But, in order for you to have success with your resolution, it has to be something you can buy into and REALLY want.  So, I've decided to focus on areas of my life where I could use some improvement.  I'm going to focus on goals for SELF, FAMILY, WORK, and SPIRIT.  Feel free to quit reading now if you are going to be bored to tears.  I won't be upset.  Actually, I won't be upset if you keep reading and roll your eyes a few times.  I don't expect you to agree with everything.  Honestly, I'm just putting this all out there in an attempt to hold myself accountable.  There's something about putting it "out there" for everyone to see that adds a bit of pressure to make results happen.  So, here goes...

SELF: Yep, I am continuing on my goal of weight loss.  Last year, I lost about 15 pounds, but that's no where near where I should be and that was good.  Rather than just the number on the scale, I'm going to focus more of creating a healthier lifestyle for myself and my family.  I have a lot of young eyes watching me (at home and work), and I want to be a good example to them.  I'm going to focus on eating cleaner (I feel like crap when I eat crap anyway), and moving every day.  (FYI, my hubby got me a fitness tracker for Christmas.  He didn't want to get it for me because he feels it's "gimicky", so I want to prove to him it was a good investment!  If I don't prove to him that it was good to get me what I asked for, he'll never listen to what I want for Christmas- he'll only get what HE deems worthy.  Challenge accepted!)

FAMILY: It is sometimes way too easy to get caught up in the business of life and things that you have to do, and it is easy to forget to spend quality time together.  This year in particular, I've noticed time has flown by way too quickly for my liking.  Before I know it, my girls will be grown up and starting on lives of their own!  (God, it gives me anxiety to think about it!)  So, I'm going to set out with the simple family goal of doing one quality family-time activity per month.  Maybe going for a hike in the summer, going fishing, build a snowman, go sledding, camp in the backyard, whatever!  I'm also going to document this year of family-time through pictures and put it into a photobook next January.

WORK: Last year's goal was to not get stressed out about what the future holds- and I feel I kept to that pretty well.  The teaching profession is not was it was, not what people think it is today.  It is tough, with LOTS to balance and it can be very easy to get super overwhelmed.  My work mantra is: I can only do so much, and I'll do everything I possibly can.  I work continue to work my ass off, but I'm not going to kill myself or jeopardize my family togetherness because of my job.  My family does and will always come first.  I'll continue to balance things by leaving each day earlier, and staying one night late per week.

SPIRIT:  This is pretty simple, but has a couple parts to it.  1) Continue to blog.  It's good for me.  I'm going to set the goal of blogging at least 1 time per month.  It helps me reflect and keep grounded (and just might inspire others sometimes).  2) Go back to church.  Every week.  No exceptions.  3) Listen to Joel weekly.  I'm recording them, so I can watch them.  I like his messages, and I like how they make me feel very reflective.

So, that's it!  Only a small list, but an important one.  Will I make it all year? Hopefully.  Maybe.  I'll try my hardest, but if I don't, there's always next year.  :)

Happy New Year and have a wonderful 2015!!

I found my spirit!

I always find it can be a challenge to find the true spirit of Christmas with the days and nights being so busy.  For me, Christmas has always been about family, love, tradition... I find that when I try so hard to create my memories that I lose the spontaneous ones.  So, today, I decided to do something about it.

It started with going to church.  Now, I consider myself spiritual and faithful, yet not really a church-goer.  But, I felt the need to go this morning.  Both the girls and I went, and I'm so glad I went.  At one point, while sitting there at the end of mass, Emily leaned over and held my hand.  It was so sweet and spontaneous, I just felt a swelling of love come over me.  I had a sense of peace and that everything was right and as it should be.

Then, the majority of the day was just spent watching TV, napping, playing pretend baking with the girls.  Then, I had the idea to surprise the girls with a trip to Lilacia Park in Lombard for the lights.  I have always wanted to go there, but Hubby kept saying it was "lame".  I told him he was more than welcome to join us, but I was going to take the kids tonight.  I'm SO glad that we went.

As we were pulling up to the park, "Oh Holy Night" came on the radio.  I feel this is one of the most beautiful Christmas songs, and it happens to be one that I always associate with my Grandma.  It was her favorite song and it is impossible for me to hear it without thinking of her.  While the song was playing, tears came to my eyes, and I just knew she was there with us.  (She passed away a while ago and I miss her terribly.) Again, such a sense of peace and rightness.  The park was wonderful!  The colors, the happy feeling walking in the cold, and being there with my family.  It was great! The lights at Christmastime has always been my favorite, and they put me instantly into the spirit.  Like the last piece of the puzzle I was putting together today.

Funny how things will kind of fall into place when you need them to.  So, from my family to yours- Merry Christmas and Christmas blessings to you and your family.

Just when you thought they'd be good...

In all my years of working with kids and having my own for the past 7 years, I have come to find it to be true that just when you thought kids would be on their best behavior- they are typically at their WORST!  I find there are 2 times in particular when kids are quite awful disagreeable.

1) During the entire week of their birthday, and

2) During the Christmas season (sometimes just the week of, but it could be the WHOLE season...)

I'm sure the reason behind their less-than-lovely behavior is due to the excitement of both of those times, but man.... It would be nice to have just a little bit of time where they behave themselves extra!  I've tried the whole "Santa's watching!"  or "Sully will be flying back to tell Santa about your day!"  But, those comments don't particularly help for long... After a while they go right back to having their outbursts, fits, or fighting with each other.  Don't get me wrong, they don't necessarily turn into little monsters at this time.  It is just that they can have more monster-tendencies than usual.  They seem to get jumpier, squeal more, act a bit more wild than usual, and "no" works their way into their vocabulary a LOT bit more.

At these times, I sometimes question my parenting.  When they pitch a fit for things not going their way, Hubby is quick to comment it is because they are spoiled.  As I watch one of them pitch a fit because I asked her to _______________ (insert chore or task here),  I can't help but think, "Geez, are they acting like this because they are spoiled??  Is Hubby right??"

I know I have worked hard to not give the girls everything they ask for, and not over-indulge.  Yes, I like to do things for them, but I try to balance it out with also having them do nice things for others. In fact, there have been multiple times I've caught them being kind and generous to others.  I remember the times where Emily gave a little girl some of her tokens at Chuck-e-cheese because she didn't have enough.  Or, I think of how Megan wanted to go bring chocolates to friends when they were sad ("Chocolate always cheers up people, Mommy".)  I think that perhaps it really is just this time of year when everything seems to be overexciting... The lights, the prettily wrapped packages, seeing all sorts of family & friends, endless shopping/baking/cooking/parties, and then there's the anticipation of Christmas Eve & Day.  Sigh.... Who knows...

Now that I've gotten my thoughts out of the way, I'm off to go watch a movie with my little holiday brats...

"Yesterday's 'I love you' is not enough for today."

On my way to work, I'll either listen to Kiss FM, or occasionally I'll listen to a Joel Osteen podcast.  Today was a Joel day, and I'm so glad that it was!  My post and thoughts today are based off of one of his messages.

Joel's message hit home today.  He began by saying how people are never put into your life randomly.  Your husband was sent to you by God.  Your parents are not yours by chance- God placed you with them because that's where you needed to be.  Your children did not come to be because you and your husband got together- God knew your children before they were yours.  Your name was written on them before they were even a thought in your mind.  God gives you these people to care for, to love, to honor, to cherish.... Wow....  This made me really think hard about the people in my life.  Am I honoring them?  Am I caring for them the way God charged me to do??  This is a really powerful thought and one that I'm still thinking about halfway through my day.

I don't know very many people that would think, "Yes, I love my children/spouse/parents the best I can every single day." We are human, and humans have flaws.  Lord knows, I sure do!  The key isn't to be perfect, but to strive to be better.  There is always room for improvement, and thoughtful change.  So, the question isn't "Do you love those around you the way God intended?" but "How can you love those around you to the best of your ability?"

First things first- pour love onto those around you.  Tell them every day that you love them and feel blessed they are in your life.  Yes- every single day.  It's great you told your mom you love her, but that was last Mother's Day!  You need to do it more! Wake up telling your children you love them and let that be the last thing they hear.  Whisper an "I love you" to your spouse in the morning (even if it's to them when they're still sleeping) and end the day with an "I love you even more". And, then repeat the next day.  Yesterday's I love you is not enough for today...

Next... guys, tell your lady that she's beautiful.  We all need to hear it.  I promise you, we will NEVER get tired of hearing you tell us that we look nice.  Even if you've seen us look better, tell us every day how nice we look.  Here's a secret, guys- many of us ladies are insecure and we need to hear that we're desirable.

Ladies... tell your man how proud you are of him.  Yes, you told him how incredibly proud you are of him when he graduated college (6 years ago), but you need to update that.  Tell him how proud you are that he's a great father/provider/husband.  Let him know that you are proud to have him as your Mr.

So, now you know what I'll be working on in my life.  I'm going to focus on being sure I'm taking care of those around me that God has entrusted- my family, my students, my co-workers, my friends, etc.  Lastly, let me end by saying how much I love all of you!  You have no idea how much it means to me when I know that people actually read what I write and when it sometimes makes them think about and reflect on their lives.

Lucky #13!

Well, today marks day #13 of my 100 days challenge! I can't be happier that I'm still feeling as committed as I did on day #1. Here's what's happened over the past 13 days:

While I have exercised every day, some days I had to make myself move. I happen to be very good at talking myself out of exercising, but none of that was allowed this week. One day I waited until the last minute (9:30pm, before bed) to get my ass out and walk the dog for 30 minutes. But, it was worth it and I'm glad I stuck with it. I also dare say that exercise is becoming a habit. Shocker!!

Journaling is the 2nd part of my challenge. Some days I write my thoughts, write an entry of gratitude, or just something good from that day. Its been great, and a nice close to my day.

Lastly, I signed up for a DietBet! Basically, you pay $ to buy into a challenge with other people. Then, the pot gets split between those that meet their goal. It's competitive and motivating for me. I find myself chatting with, encouraging and supporting the other challengers... but that's kinda against the point, right? I need the other challengers to not meet their goal in order to make $$ for myself. Whatever... as long as I meet my goal (lose 4% of my weight in 28 days) and don't lose $$, I don't care.

Until next time, take care of yourselves. Spend some time focusing on you and what makes you happy.

100 Day Challenge

A few months ago, a teacher friend of mine posted a stunning picture of herself on Facebook.  She looked radiant, and she said she'd just finished her 100 day challenge. I was intrigued at that time, but not ready to challenge myself at that time. It was too busy at the end of the school year. We were going on vacation in June. And, I'm sure there were other excuses that came to mind. The excuses won out for me, but not for a new teacher friend. She began her own inspiring challenge.

You know how I mention all the time that you are meant to meet certain people for a reason? Back in April, I had a committee meeting where I got to work with other teachers. This one girl and I instantly clicked, and it was the most enjoyable time I've ever had on a committee. Little did I know that my new friend would be the one to inspire me.

Today, my friend finished her 100 day challenge. She has lost 23 lbs, several inches, and gained many healthy habits. She has inspired me to start on my own challenge. I'm convinced this is why we clicked so easily- she was meant to be the one to inspire me to get going.

So... I'm putting this out for everyone to see and know. I am starting my 100 day challenge today. Basically, I am challenging myself to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, and write down one thing positive from each day. That's it. I know I can at least walk around a couple blocks with my dog if I don't want to hit the gym, and I can write down 1 sentence before bed.

This morning I made myself a 100 Day Challenge poster and put it right on my closet door. (I know, I'm such a teacher!) For some reason, I'm having a hard time posting the picture of it to my blog...

Wish me luck, and I'll keep you updated on my progress. If you are starting your own challenge, let me know. We can encourage and cheer each other on.

5 years of lessons learned

On June 13th, it was the last day of school, a full moon, Friday the 13th and... our 5th wedding anniversary! Its hard to believe we've been married for 5 years already. I know it's cliche, but time goes by so fast. And, as time flew by, a lot of learning was going on. If I were to give advice to myself before marrying (or to any girl yet-to-be married), these are a few lessons I've learned.

1) Forget any ideas you have about being newlyweds. Yes, you love each other (you wouldn't be married if you didn't), but that first year is a tough one.  I was really shocked when I found hubby and I arguing about everything! This is due to all the adjustment that has to happen. (Yes, even if you've lived together prior to tying the knot.) You are both adults that are used to having your own thoughts, making your own decisions, and doing whatever you want. But, now, our personalities are clashing, beliefs aren't quite mixing nicely, and decisions aren't matching up.  But, you'll get through it. I feel the first year is tough because it's a test for those that won't last, and are easily frighten away by conflict.

2) You set the precedent of what is acceptable. The way you allow others to treat you, is what you are saying is acceptable. I received this gem of advice from my mother once. A long time ago, I was dating a guy that was fun and whom I really cared about. Yet, He was always leaving me home while he went to be with friends- never mixing the two. In fact, he even cancelled pans with me one year on New Year's Eve! I remember crying all night, and my mom giving me advice. She said, "If you don't want him to do this again, you can't let him think it's ok. If you don't say anything, he WILL do it again and again." Of course, I didn't follow that advice and I let him walk all over me. With any guy after that, I stood up or myself. I didn't tolerate this mean disrespect because it was unacceptable to me. If you don't want your guy to treat you wrong, put you last with his priorities, be inconsiderate-  then don't allow it!

3) Discuss money often and BEFORE marrying. There is a reason they say money is the #1 cause of divorce-  because it is! Money has been the biggest issue in our marriage.  Basically, I spend and he refuses to. Our spending priorities are very different, and cause arguments all the time. Before you get married, talk about your spending, how do you see your lifestyle being once your married? What kind of saving will you do? What do each of consider a "big purchase", and when should the spouse be involved in the purchase? All of these things might seem little, but they can cause BIG problems down the line.

4) Be open and honest with your emotions and expectations. Please, stop playing the "I'm fine" game. Its stupid and very unhelpful. Just be honest and say "I'm passed because__________." Or, say if you're just crabby or PMSing (he can tell anyway). Let him know when you're mad, and let him know when you're happy. The more you're open and let him know what's up, the better he will be when it comes to reading your emotions in the future, and your communication will improve.

5) Learn to pick your battles. Trust me, not everything is worth the fight. Your hubby will annoy the shit out of you, but you have to be selective when picking a fight. Make sure it's worth it, and not just a stupid argument. Buying a car without consulting you? WORTH IT! Leaving clothes and towels on the floor of the bathroom? NOT!  Feeling neglected? WORTH IT! Him spending all day out with his guy friends? NOT! Think about the long run when picking your battles.

Marriage is a journey, full of its highs and lows. You will hate him, you will love him. Those butterflies will fade, and will question your future. But, after you learn how to communicate better and come out of big fights and battles, those butterflies will be replaced by a true, deep love that comes from your heart. The wedding is just one day, but the journey is what makes your marriage true and lasting.

Get knocked down 7 times, and get up 8!

That is the key to success. Lord knows I've been knocked down MANY times on my weight loss journey. I've had some awesome wins (being thrilled and confident in my mid-twenties due to shedding many pounds), and some devastating lows (gaining and never losing 60 pounds with my 1st pregnancy). Throughout it all, I have never given up. I might try tons of new things, go through cycles of trying hard and then rebelling by undoing the hard work I did. But, I haven't given up yet! This is why I know I'm bound to succeed one of these times.

I've recently started following the program recommended by Chris and Heidi Powell (of Extreme weight loss). It's based on carb cycling. Basically 2 days low-carb, 1 high-carb, 2 low-carb, 1 high-carb, and 1 guilt-free day. Then, repeat the next week. I'm not going to pretend that I can go in-depth about the science behind this program, but I do know it's been working. I'm just finishing my day 10, and I've dropped 7lbs (5 my first week, and 3 this week). I feel good, not too deprived, and I feel like the program is manageable. I would highly suggest trying it if you're looking for a change in your eating.

This week, I've added a bit more intense exercise to my routine. I LOVE Zumba and have a great time doing it at the gym. When I'm on a roll, I go to class at least 3 nights a week. I've chosen to do the T25 program. So far, I've completed the first 4 days, and I'm still alive! I look forward to not only eating better, but changing my body.  I'm ready to have the success that I've been building up to! I mean, it's gotta happen soon, right?!?

God grant me patience

I don't think I've ever prayed for patience more than I have this past week.  Megan, my youngest at 4 years old, has been a BEAST every night, and I'm reaching my limit with her.  Now, I love her very much - but there are times where she gets my blood boiling and I start to see red.  I have given myself a mommy timeout every night because of my little Meggie.

Some of you might be wondering, "She's only 4!  How could she possibly be so bad?"  Yeah... she's 4, but with the manipulative skills of someone well beyond her years.  She is a master button-pusher at an early age.  For example, she has figured out that when I ask her a question and she doesn't answer, it makes me SUPER pissed.  So, that's of course what she does all-night-long!  In fact, not only does she press her lips shut tight to show she has no intention of responding, she gets this look on her face that is similar to the look I give when someone has seriously pissed me off and I'm mentally calling them some very nasty names.  Yeah, you know the look- eyes squinted, bottom lip pouted, and a scowl to finish things off.  Next, comes moments of crying and WHINING (my other favorite part of the evening).  When I ask her what she needs, she'll not respond, and then start the whole process of making me mad all over again.

Yes, I know that I am the adult.  Yes, I know that I'm letting my 4 year old manipulate me.  Yes, I know that I should be "the bigger person" and not engage her.  But you know what? I'm sure there are many moms out there that think the same way I do- I just want you to calm the f**k down, go to bed, and let me have five f***ing minutes to myself!!! So, yes, my fuse is short at 8:30 at night when all this is going on.  All I want is some peace and quiet, and this little sh*t is keeping it from me!! 

Now that I've shared my ranting with you, I feel better.  I KNOW I can't be the only mom out there that feels this way.  I think all moms, when they are being honest with themselves, will acknowledge that no one can make you go from warm and fuzzy love to rage in a matter of 10 seconds quite like your kids can.  I know I'm not perfect.  I know that I sometimes let my girls get the best of me, and I lose my temper.  But, I'm also the first to go to them later and explain to them that "Mommy is a person that sometimes makes mistakes, and she's sorry to have yelled/said bad words/etc."  I think kids need to understand that everyone (including Mommy) has their limit and they can only take so much.  They also need to see that parents make mistakes in the way they behave sometimes, and it's important to apologize to our kids when needed.  

FYI: During the time I've typed this, Megan has had yet-again another nightly meltdown.  I'm proud to say that I did NOT engage her (much), and focused my attention to this post instead.  Baby steps...  Good night, all!

On the Way Out

It's been waaaaay too long since I've written. Work has been insane, the girls finished dance and had their recitals, we've been struck by several flus the past 2 months, and things are kind of settling down.

This "end of the year" time always makes me ultra-reflective. I think about how I was as a teacher this year. Did I build up my students enough? Did I pass on as many life and academic lessons as possible? Did I teach them everything they'll need for next year? Was I as patient with them as I wanted to be (mostly)? Did I do ALL that could?? Unfortunately, these types of questions will never be definitively answered due to their very nature. I just have to believe the answer is "yes"...to all of it. I know that I pushed myself to help them all that I could. I know that they are leaving me better than when they came in. I truly believe I've taught them many lessons to use in life when it comes to getting along with others, having compassion for others, and striving to be a good person inside and out.

There's so much I think about during this last week other than just my students. I think of my friends at school. These are the people I see 5 out of 7 days a week. We talk, laugh, share together. We all have good intentions to get together over break, but that rarely happens as often as we'd like. I'll miss my daily chat routines, and snacking on much-needed chocolate together. I will miss my friends over the summer...

Lastly, many people don't get the huge adjustment it is to go from working all year, to not. I go from having a scheduled, somewhat-predictable day where I have control over EVERYTHING...to a flexible, relaxed day where my kids affect a lot of my planning. This is really difficult. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls more than anything and I love spending time with them. But, I'm not used to the stay-at-home-mom thing. God bless those who do it daily because the girls have the ability to drive me insane like nothing else!

So, I've got lots of thoughts swirling around in my head lately. I'm sure many of you might, too. I'm hoping to be posting much more regularly soon, now that school will be over on Friday. So, for now, good night!!

Expectations

William Shakespeare said it best: Expectation is the root of all heartache. Boy is this phrase on my mind this weekend. I have done a lot of thinking about past and present relationships (friends, family, romantic). No one's perfect and we all make mistakes. I've cone to realize that one of the BIGGEST mistakes I make is my expectations for people.

There are two points of view on this topic. 1) Expect nothing but the best and except nothing less. Or, 2) Have no expectations and take life/love for as it is and be happy with what you have. Hmmm.... I'm assuming there is a lot less heartache and disappointment with view #2. If you don't expect anything then you aren't disappointed when someone falls short of what you want. But, shouldn't there at least be some expectations? Shouldn't you expect the basics of honesty, respect, and kindness?? I'm thinking the answer lies somewhere between views 1&2.

From the beginning, I've had issues with attention. My biological dad signed away his rights when I was 2, had no contact with me until I was 14, then ditched out of my life again when I turned 21. My step-dad adopted me, yet clearly thought much more of my brothers and cared more for his own children than me. On his list of priorities I was at the bottom. Over and over I felt I was never at the top of any of my boyfriends' lists, and never a priority. (Don't get me wrong. I'm definitely not a clingy/needy girl. Never have been, but I do have that deep need to know that I am a priority in a man's life.) I found myself always having the same battle- they weren't making me feel that I was important to them.

Then, I recently realized that I might be expecting too much. Maybe they just aren't meeting MY expectations for showing love. Maybe my expectations are too high? I don't really think I'm asking for too much, but maybe I am. Maybe I'm asking for something that just might not be in that persons character.

I'm a total work-in-progress right now as I examine and evaluate things... my thoughts go back and forth and all around. I feel like there's a bigger picture or lesson here, and I'm missing something... Sorry for the scattered post today- I just needed to share my thinking with others and maybe there's a person or two that does/has felt the same way as me.

100 Day Challenge

I've noticed lots of 100 days challenges lately. I've seen "100 days of squats", "100 days of happy, and most recently a friend on Facebook told of a 100 days of exercise challenge she made for herself. It made me start to think... could I do my own 100 Days challenge?

There are 2 challenges that have piqued my interest- there are the 100 Days of Exercise and the 100 days of Happy challenges. For 100 days of exercise challenge, the goal is to move intentionally for at least 30 minutes every day. For the 100 days of happy challenge, you are supposed to take one picture of something that makes you happy each day, then post it on the social media outlet if your choice. So, which challenge gave I chosen??

I am letting everyone know I have officially committed to completing 100 Days of Exercise! Currently, I'm on day 5. Wish me luck! Anyone out there care to join me on my 100 days challenge??

All Is Well

Ever have life give you a series of letdowns? Struggling with finances or family matters, and you just don't see how things will work out? Today, I listened to a speaker telling about the importance of saying (and believing) all is well.

Its no secret that I firmly believe in the power of intention. You get what you believe and have faith in. Sometimes right before something great is about to happen, obstacles are placed in your way. You face challenges like never before. What do you do?? Repeat after me: all is well. How can it not be? God is with you and guiding you.

Saying aloud something as simple as all is well, declares that you have faith that it WILL be well. You have someone behind the scenes working in your life. The ultimate director, if you will. When you lose your job- all is well. When it seems like you're fighting endlessly with your spouse- all is well. When it seems like you're not the supermom you thought you'd be- all is well.

I challenge you this week to try the All Is Well mentality. Try it out whenever you face adversity. Take note of how you feel and see if things suddenly DO become well.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes! :)

Will work for stickers!

I'm posting a picture to share my motivation system with you all. Guess what- kids aren't the only ones that respond to incentives like stickers or working towards a goal! Something a simple as a sticker has the power to keep me going.

Each day I go in to the gym, I get to put a sticker on the calendar for that day. If I go at 2 different times (morning and evening), then I get 2. Then, on top of that, I divided a heart (for February- I know, how creative!!) into parts. Each time I go exercise, I color in one part. (On Monday I walked a 5k on the treadmill, so I let myself color two parts.) Once I fill up the heart I'm allowing myself $50 guilt free to shop for clothes.

It's funny how something as silly as stickers and coloring can be so motivating. I can't wait until I get home after working out to put my sticker on and grab a crayon!

Re-motivated

OK... now it's time for a sensitive subject- WEIGHT. I have always struggled with being the chubby girl. I was always bigger than my friends, but not in a terribly obese way. Just rounder. I can remember being hurt by my weight several times. I will never forget when I was young (couldn't have been more than 6 or 7), and my old lady neighbor called me over to talk to her. I helped her with something and she was about to give me the sucker she always gave us when we helped her. She looked down at me and said, "You know Jodi, you'd be cuter if you weren't so fat. You better lose that weight before you get too old." I remember going home, crying, and telling my grandma the mean lady called me fat. I have a feeling Grandma must've talked to her because she never commented again.

I'm sure any psychologist could blame my weight issues on any number of things. Being a child of divorce, father abandonment, poor self esteem, negative comments about weight to me as a child... any of these could be considered the root of my struggles. But, I don't buy it. Those memories never once have "made" me eat a whole pizza or shove chocolate in my face. I did that, all by myself.

OK, so I have a long drawn-out battle with weight. Sometimes I feel it's turning into the Hundred Years War! But, the tides of the battle are shifting... Recently, I looked at some pictures of myself from my heaviest. I hadn't noticed how my hard work IS noticeable! I can actually see my progress, and THIS has given me the fuel I needed to light the fire under my ass.  Have I lost a Biggest Loser amount of weight? Nope, but I'm working on it.

Thanks always for listening to my rants. I'm hoping that maybe someone out there can relate. If you feel yourself struggling, I encourage you to make some side-by side pics and see if there are any differences.

Motivation- Do you have any to spare??

Hi there! Today's thoughts have been mostly consumed with ways to re-motivate myself. I was doing really well over the summer. Went to the gym 6/7 days, ate lots of fruits and veggies, and really was trying to stay focus on getting healthy. Then, the school year started and all of it went to shit. I barely went to the gym 1 day/2 weeks. Went more for rushed, convenient lunches rather than healthy ones. Joined the in-laws out to dinner more often and skipped meals. It was really tough to stay focused on my health-so I just wasn't. I gave in and inevitably gained back all I'd lost, except for 3 lbs! I'm so pissed, but I can't be mad at anyone but myself. It totally sucks and I need to do something about it.

Here's the thing- I'm no stranger to this weightloss game. I've always struggled with my weight. I've tried all kinds of "diets" and "lifestyle changes". I know the programs and what needs to be done. In the past, I've been able to recommit myself and get excited about starting out again. Really focused and determined. But, this time? Not so much... I feel like I'm struggling to motivate myself. I feel very blah about this. I've never had this happen to me before, and quite frankly I'm worried I might be giving up. I can't possibly give up, but I need to find my "get up and go"!

What does someone do when seeking motivation? Well, this girl prowls Pinterest and adds to my "stay motivated board. I'm happy to say I was able to find some of what I desperately need. I'm going to continue looking for some more motivation/inspiration on Pinterest while the hubby watches Gold Rush. I intend to also create (and post tomorrow) my Healthy Vows. Check back soon! Good night, all!!

Your Time Is Comming

All of us have goals, hopes, dreams, desires. We have spent countless hours of our lives trying to make these dreams happen. Sometimes it seems like you work harder and harder and all you are met with are setbacks. Maybe someone disappointed you or you didn't get that promotion you'd been planning on. Wgst you need to know is that it's OK. Your time IS coming! Think about it, why would God place those dreams in your heart and not plan on giving you the means to make things happen?? He wouldn't.

I believe that God has a plan for every one of us. He has meticulously thought out and planned a bountiful and blessed life. I also believe that he has put people and events along our life's path. These people and events are meant to be life-changing. They are meant to either teach us or promote us.  In order to move us along our well thought-out path, God has placed these hopes and dreams in our hearts. You may ask, "how can you just blindly believe all of this?? Don't you think reaching your dreams is up to you alone?" I believe in the phrase Believing is seeing, not seeing is believing. I think we can definitely move things along on our path; however, I also believe that too much interfering might set us off course and delay our dreams. Obviously there will be trials and disappointments. There will be times to be upset, grieve, have pity. But, these are only moments in your life- not your entire life. Trust that you did not gave a setback, but a setup for great things to come.

So, what dreams has God placed in your heart? Looking back, can you see God's hand in those dreams that DID come to fruition? I can. Example: I always wanted to be married. Always wanted to find "the one", but I became really great at finding NOT the right one. I was trying hard to push things along and move at my pace. Things happened, life got a little messy, and I gave up looking. Then, BAM!! Brian came along and I was swept off my feet. I had to stop being pushy and let go before I could meet him. Things had to happen in a certain order so my life could work out as it has. I can't imagine changing any of those "bad" decisions because I know my life would be vastly different than it is today if I did.

This is only one small example, and I know I can tell you more if I wanted to. But, I'll save those stories for another day. I encourage all of you to think about your dreams. Think of those dreams that you've always had and told people about. Think about those dreams that you keep tucked inside your heart and haven't told anyone (we all have them). Know that your time IS coming. Wake up each morning thankful and expecting wonderful things to come your way. Be prepared for those moments where you know it couldn't just be coincidence, because those are the times you can be sure God is standing by and guiding you. The time is coming for ALL of us, and ALL our dreams.

God's Hand...

I have always believed in that catch phrase "God has a reason for all things".  Sometimes, believing in this has been the only way I've gotten through some very tough times.  Whenever tragedy strikes, it's hard to get past the heartache and devastation.  When people are suddenly and inexplicably taken from us, it can be so hard to understand.  In fact, it can seem impossible to continue on.

A woman that I work with is currently facing such a tragedy.  She has suddenly lost her daughter after only getting to know her recently.  It just seems so unfair that God would take this young mother and leave so many to grieve.  I had not met this young lady, but I know that her mother spoke so highly of her.  Her face lit up when talking about the fun they had just had, or the special look in her eyes when talking about her dreams for her daughter...

In 2006, a wonderful woman that I knew through work at a gym had her daughter brutally taken from her as well.  I remember just being shocked once I received the news that Christmas, and the sadness that I just couldn't shake for weeks.  But, I knew that my sadness could in NO WAY compare to what her mother must have been feeling.

Being a mother myself, I can't imagine the pain of burying your child.  I can't imagine ever recovering from such heartache.  I honestly can think of nothing worse that losing one of girls...  But, these women had it happen to them.  And, they are surviving.  God bless them, but they are continuing on.  They are amazing women.  

I'm not quite sure where this post is going, but I just want to put it out there that I truly believe that God does have a plan for all of us.  One day it will be made known to us- or maybe not.  But, I have to trust and believe there is a reason for all of this.  When times get tough, or when everything seems chaotic, please remember to stop- breathe- and believe that you are in important part in God's plan and it will all come together soon.  God Bless...