God grant me patience

I don't think I've ever prayed for patience more than I have this past week.  Megan, my youngest at 4 years old, has been a BEAST every night, and I'm reaching my limit with her.  Now, I love her very much - but there are times where she gets my blood boiling and I start to see red.  I have given myself a mommy timeout every night because of my little Meggie.

Some of you might be wondering, "She's only 4!  How could she possibly be so bad?"  Yeah... she's 4, but with the manipulative skills of someone well beyond her years.  She is a master button-pusher at an early age.  For example, she has figured out that when I ask her a question and she doesn't answer, it makes me SUPER pissed.  So, that's of course what she does all-night-long!  In fact, not only does she press her lips shut tight to show she has no intention of responding, she gets this look on her face that is similar to the look I give when someone has seriously pissed me off and I'm mentally calling them some very nasty names.  Yeah, you know the look- eyes squinted, bottom lip pouted, and a scowl to finish things off.  Next, comes moments of crying and WHINING (my other favorite part of the evening).  When I ask her what she needs, she'll not respond, and then start the whole process of making me mad all over again.

Yes, I know that I am the adult.  Yes, I know that I'm letting my 4 year old manipulate me.  Yes, I know that I should be "the bigger person" and not engage her.  But you know what? I'm sure there are many moms out there that think the same way I do- I just want you to calm the f**k down, go to bed, and let me have five f***ing minutes to myself!!! So, yes, my fuse is short at 8:30 at night when all this is going on.  All I want is some peace and quiet, and this little sh*t is keeping it from me!! 

Now that I've shared my ranting with you, I feel better.  I KNOW I can't be the only mom out there that feels this way.  I think all moms, when they are being honest with themselves, will acknowledge that no one can make you go from warm and fuzzy love to rage in a matter of 10 seconds quite like your kids can.  I know I'm not perfect.  I know that I sometimes let my girls get the best of me, and I lose my temper.  But, I'm also the first to go to them later and explain to them that "Mommy is a person that sometimes makes mistakes, and she's sorry to have yelled/said bad words/etc."  I think kids need to understand that everyone (including Mommy) has their limit and they can only take so much.  They also need to see that parents make mistakes in the way they behave sometimes, and it's important to apologize to our kids when needed.  

FYI: During the time I've typed this, Megan has had yet-again another nightly meltdown.  I'm proud to say that I did NOT engage her (much), and focused my attention to this post instead.  Baby steps...  Good night, all!