Lucky #13!

Well, today marks day #13 of my 100 days challenge! I can't be happier that I'm still feeling as committed as I did on day #1. Here's what's happened over the past 13 days:

While I have exercised every day, some days I had to make myself move. I happen to be very good at talking myself out of exercising, but none of that was allowed this week. One day I waited until the last minute (9:30pm, before bed) to get my ass out and walk the dog for 30 minutes. But, it was worth it and I'm glad I stuck with it. I also dare say that exercise is becoming a habit. Shocker!!

Journaling is the 2nd part of my challenge. Some days I write my thoughts, write an entry of gratitude, or just something good from that day. Its been great, and a nice close to my day.

Lastly, I signed up for a DietBet! Basically, you pay $ to buy into a challenge with other people. Then, the pot gets split between those that meet their goal. It's competitive and motivating for me. I find myself chatting with, encouraging and supporting the other challengers... but that's kinda against the point, right? I need the other challengers to not meet their goal in order to make $$ for myself. Whatever... as long as I meet my goal (lose 4% of my weight in 28 days) and don't lose $$, I don't care.

Until next time, take care of yourselves. Spend some time focusing on you and what makes you happy.

100 Day Challenge

A few months ago, a teacher friend of mine posted a stunning picture of herself on Facebook.  She looked radiant, and she said she'd just finished her 100 day challenge. I was intrigued at that time, but not ready to challenge myself at that time. It was too busy at the end of the school year. We were going on vacation in June. And, I'm sure there were other excuses that came to mind. The excuses won out for me, but not for a new teacher friend. She began her own inspiring challenge.

You know how I mention all the time that you are meant to meet certain people for a reason? Back in April, I had a committee meeting where I got to work with other teachers. This one girl and I instantly clicked, and it was the most enjoyable time I've ever had on a committee. Little did I know that my new friend would be the one to inspire me.

Today, my friend finished her 100 day challenge. She has lost 23 lbs, several inches, and gained many healthy habits. She has inspired me to start on my own challenge. I'm convinced this is why we clicked so easily- she was meant to be the one to inspire me to get going.

So... I'm putting this out for everyone to see and know. I am starting my 100 day challenge today. Basically, I am challenging myself to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, and write down one thing positive from each day. That's it. I know I can at least walk around a couple blocks with my dog if I don't want to hit the gym, and I can write down 1 sentence before bed.

This morning I made myself a 100 Day Challenge poster and put it right on my closet door. (I know, I'm such a teacher!) For some reason, I'm having a hard time posting the picture of it to my blog...

Wish me luck, and I'll keep you updated on my progress. If you are starting your own challenge, let me know. We can encourage and cheer each other on.

5 years of lessons learned

On June 13th, it was the last day of school, a full moon, Friday the 13th and... our 5th wedding anniversary! Its hard to believe we've been married for 5 years already. I know it's cliche, but time goes by so fast. And, as time flew by, a lot of learning was going on. If I were to give advice to myself before marrying (or to any girl yet-to-be married), these are a few lessons I've learned.

1) Forget any ideas you have about being newlyweds. Yes, you love each other (you wouldn't be married if you didn't), but that first year is a tough one.  I was really shocked when I found hubby and I arguing about everything! This is due to all the adjustment that has to happen. (Yes, even if you've lived together prior to tying the knot.) You are both adults that are used to having your own thoughts, making your own decisions, and doing whatever you want. But, now, our personalities are clashing, beliefs aren't quite mixing nicely, and decisions aren't matching up.  But, you'll get through it. I feel the first year is tough because it's a test for those that won't last, and are easily frighten away by conflict.

2) You set the precedent of what is acceptable. The way you allow others to treat you, is what you are saying is acceptable. I received this gem of advice from my mother once. A long time ago, I was dating a guy that was fun and whom I really cared about. Yet, He was always leaving me home while he went to be with friends- never mixing the two. In fact, he even cancelled pans with me one year on New Year's Eve! I remember crying all night, and my mom giving me advice. She said, "If you don't want him to do this again, you can't let him think it's ok. If you don't say anything, he WILL do it again and again." Of course, I didn't follow that advice and I let him walk all over me. With any guy after that, I stood up or myself. I didn't tolerate this mean disrespect because it was unacceptable to me. If you don't want your guy to treat you wrong, put you last with his priorities, be inconsiderate-  then don't allow it!

3) Discuss money often and BEFORE marrying. There is a reason they say money is the #1 cause of divorce-  because it is! Money has been the biggest issue in our marriage.  Basically, I spend and he refuses to. Our spending priorities are very different, and cause arguments all the time. Before you get married, talk about your spending, how do you see your lifestyle being once your married? What kind of saving will you do? What do each of consider a "big purchase", and when should the spouse be involved in the purchase? All of these things might seem little, but they can cause BIG problems down the line.

4) Be open and honest with your emotions and expectations. Please, stop playing the "I'm fine" game. Its stupid and very unhelpful. Just be honest and say "I'm passed because__________." Or, say if you're just crabby or PMSing (he can tell anyway). Let him know when you're mad, and let him know when you're happy. The more you're open and let him know what's up, the better he will be when it comes to reading your emotions in the future, and your communication will improve.

5) Learn to pick your battles. Trust me, not everything is worth the fight. Your hubby will annoy the shit out of you, but you have to be selective when picking a fight. Make sure it's worth it, and not just a stupid argument. Buying a car without consulting you? WORTH IT! Leaving clothes and towels on the floor of the bathroom? NOT!  Feeling neglected? WORTH IT! Him spending all day out with his guy friends? NOT! Think about the long run when picking your battles.

Marriage is a journey, full of its highs and lows. You will hate him, you will love him. Those butterflies will fade, and will question your future. But, after you learn how to communicate better and come out of big fights and battles, those butterflies will be replaced by a true, deep love that comes from your heart. The wedding is just one day, but the journey is what makes your marriage true and lasting.

Get knocked down 7 times, and get up 8!

That is the key to success. Lord knows I've been knocked down MANY times on my weight loss journey. I've had some awesome wins (being thrilled and confident in my mid-twenties due to shedding many pounds), and some devastating lows (gaining and never losing 60 pounds with my 1st pregnancy). Throughout it all, I have never given up. I might try tons of new things, go through cycles of trying hard and then rebelling by undoing the hard work I did. But, I haven't given up yet! This is why I know I'm bound to succeed one of these times.

I've recently started following the program recommended by Chris and Heidi Powell (of Extreme weight loss). It's based on carb cycling. Basically 2 days low-carb, 1 high-carb, 2 low-carb, 1 high-carb, and 1 guilt-free day. Then, repeat the next week. I'm not going to pretend that I can go in-depth about the science behind this program, but I do know it's been working. I'm just finishing my day 10, and I've dropped 7lbs (5 my first week, and 3 this week). I feel good, not too deprived, and I feel like the program is manageable. I would highly suggest trying it if you're looking for a change in your eating.

This week, I've added a bit more intense exercise to my routine. I LOVE Zumba and have a great time doing it at the gym. When I'm on a roll, I go to class at least 3 nights a week. I've chosen to do the T25 program. So far, I've completed the first 4 days, and I'm still alive! I look forward to not only eating better, but changing my body.  I'm ready to have the success that I've been building up to! I mean, it's gotta happen soon, right?!?

God grant me patience

I don't think I've ever prayed for patience more than I have this past week.  Megan, my youngest at 4 years old, has been a BEAST every night, and I'm reaching my limit with her.  Now, I love her very much - but there are times where she gets my blood boiling and I start to see red.  I have given myself a mommy timeout every night because of my little Meggie.

Some of you might be wondering, "She's only 4!  How could she possibly be so bad?"  Yeah... she's 4, but with the manipulative skills of someone well beyond her years.  She is a master button-pusher at an early age.  For example, she has figured out that when I ask her a question and she doesn't answer, it makes me SUPER pissed.  So, that's of course what she does all-night-long!  In fact, not only does she press her lips shut tight to show she has no intention of responding, she gets this look on her face that is similar to the look I give when someone has seriously pissed me off and I'm mentally calling them some very nasty names.  Yeah, you know the look- eyes squinted, bottom lip pouted, and a scowl to finish things off.  Next, comes moments of crying and WHINING (my other favorite part of the evening).  When I ask her what she needs, she'll not respond, and then start the whole process of making me mad all over again.

Yes, I know that I am the adult.  Yes, I know that I'm letting my 4 year old manipulate me.  Yes, I know that I should be "the bigger person" and not engage her.  But you know what? I'm sure there are many moms out there that think the same way I do- I just want you to calm the f**k down, go to bed, and let me have five f***ing minutes to myself!!! So, yes, my fuse is short at 8:30 at night when all this is going on.  All I want is some peace and quiet, and this little sh*t is keeping it from me!! 

Now that I've shared my ranting with you, I feel better.  I KNOW I can't be the only mom out there that feels this way.  I think all moms, when they are being honest with themselves, will acknowledge that no one can make you go from warm and fuzzy love to rage in a matter of 10 seconds quite like your kids can.  I know I'm not perfect.  I know that I sometimes let my girls get the best of me, and I lose my temper.  But, I'm also the first to go to them later and explain to them that "Mommy is a person that sometimes makes mistakes, and she's sorry to have yelled/said bad words/etc."  I think kids need to understand that everyone (including Mommy) has their limit and they can only take so much.  They also need to see that parents make mistakes in the way they behave sometimes, and it's important to apologize to our kids when needed.  

FYI: During the time I've typed this, Megan has had yet-again another nightly meltdown.  I'm proud to say that I did NOT engage her (much), and focused my attention to this post instead.  Baby steps...  Good night, all!

On the Way Out

It's been waaaaay too long since I've written. Work has been insane, the girls finished dance and had their recitals, we've been struck by several flus the past 2 months, and things are kind of settling down.

This "end of the year" time always makes me ultra-reflective. I think about how I was as a teacher this year. Did I build up my students enough? Did I pass on as many life and academic lessons as possible? Did I teach them everything they'll need for next year? Was I as patient with them as I wanted to be (mostly)? Did I do ALL that could?? Unfortunately, these types of questions will never be definitively answered due to their very nature. I just have to believe the answer is "yes"...to all of it. I know that I pushed myself to help them all that I could. I know that they are leaving me better than when they came in. I truly believe I've taught them many lessons to use in life when it comes to getting along with others, having compassion for others, and striving to be a good person inside and out.

There's so much I think about during this last week other than just my students. I think of my friends at school. These are the people I see 5 out of 7 days a week. We talk, laugh, share together. We all have good intentions to get together over break, but that rarely happens as often as we'd like. I'll miss my daily chat routines, and snacking on much-needed chocolate together. I will miss my friends over the summer...

Lastly, many people don't get the huge adjustment it is to go from working all year, to not. I go from having a scheduled, somewhat-predictable day where I have control over EVERYTHING...to a flexible, relaxed day where my kids affect a lot of my planning. This is really difficult. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls more than anything and I love spending time with them. But, I'm not used to the stay-at-home-mom thing. God bless those who do it daily because the girls have the ability to drive me insane like nothing else!

So, I've got lots of thoughts swirling around in my head lately. I'm sure many of you might, too. I'm hoping to be posting much more regularly soon, now that school will be over on Friday. So, for now, good night!!

Expectations

William Shakespeare said it best: Expectation is the root of all heartache. Boy is this phrase on my mind this weekend. I have done a lot of thinking about past and present relationships (friends, family, romantic). No one's perfect and we all make mistakes. I've cone to realize that one of the BIGGEST mistakes I make is my expectations for people.

There are two points of view on this topic. 1) Expect nothing but the best and except nothing less. Or, 2) Have no expectations and take life/love for as it is and be happy with what you have. Hmmm.... I'm assuming there is a lot less heartache and disappointment with view #2. If you don't expect anything then you aren't disappointed when someone falls short of what you want. But, shouldn't there at least be some expectations? Shouldn't you expect the basics of honesty, respect, and kindness?? I'm thinking the answer lies somewhere between views 1&2.

From the beginning, I've had issues with attention. My biological dad signed away his rights when I was 2, had no contact with me until I was 14, then ditched out of my life again when I turned 21. My step-dad adopted me, yet clearly thought much more of my brothers and cared more for his own children than me. On his list of priorities I was at the bottom. Over and over I felt I was never at the top of any of my boyfriends' lists, and never a priority. (Don't get me wrong. I'm definitely not a clingy/needy girl. Never have been, but I do have that deep need to know that I am a priority in a man's life.) I found myself always having the same battle- they weren't making me feel that I was important to them.

Then, I recently realized that I might be expecting too much. Maybe they just aren't meeting MY expectations for showing love. Maybe my expectations are too high? I don't really think I'm asking for too much, but maybe I am. Maybe I'm asking for something that just might not be in that persons character.

I'm a total work-in-progress right now as I examine and evaluate things... my thoughts go back and forth and all around. I feel like there's a bigger picture or lesson here, and I'm missing something... Sorry for the scattered post today- I just needed to share my thinking with others and maybe there's a person or two that does/has felt the same way as me.