Get knocked down 7 times, and get up 8!

That is the key to success. Lord knows I've been knocked down MANY times on my weight loss journey. I've had some awesome wins (being thrilled and confident in my mid-twenties due to shedding many pounds), and some devastating lows (gaining and never losing 60 pounds with my 1st pregnancy). Throughout it all, I have never given up. I might try tons of new things, go through cycles of trying hard and then rebelling by undoing the hard work I did. But, I haven't given up yet! This is why I know I'm bound to succeed one of these times.

I've recently started following the program recommended by Chris and Heidi Powell (of Extreme weight loss). It's based on carb cycling. Basically 2 days low-carb, 1 high-carb, 2 low-carb, 1 high-carb, and 1 guilt-free day. Then, repeat the next week. I'm not going to pretend that I can go in-depth about the science behind this program, but I do know it's been working. I'm just finishing my day 10, and I've dropped 7lbs (5 my first week, and 3 this week). I feel good, not too deprived, and I feel like the program is manageable. I would highly suggest trying it if you're looking for a change in your eating.

This week, I've added a bit more intense exercise to my routine. I LOVE Zumba and have a great time doing it at the gym. When I'm on a roll, I go to class at least 3 nights a week. I've chosen to do the T25 program. So far, I've completed the first 4 days, and I'm still alive! I look forward to not only eating better, but changing my body.  I'm ready to have the success that I've been building up to! I mean, it's gotta happen soon, right?!?

God grant me patience

I don't think I've ever prayed for patience more than I have this past week.  Megan, my youngest at 4 years old, has been a BEAST every night, and I'm reaching my limit with her.  Now, I love her very much - but there are times where she gets my blood boiling and I start to see red.  I have given myself a mommy timeout every night because of my little Meggie.

Some of you might be wondering, "She's only 4!  How could she possibly be so bad?"  Yeah... she's 4, but with the manipulative skills of someone well beyond her years.  She is a master button-pusher at an early age.  For example, she has figured out that when I ask her a question and she doesn't answer, it makes me SUPER pissed.  So, that's of course what she does all-night-long!  In fact, not only does she press her lips shut tight to show she has no intention of responding, she gets this look on her face that is similar to the look I give when someone has seriously pissed me off and I'm mentally calling them some very nasty names.  Yeah, you know the look- eyes squinted, bottom lip pouted, and a scowl to finish things off.  Next, comes moments of crying and WHINING (my other favorite part of the evening).  When I ask her what she needs, she'll not respond, and then start the whole process of making me mad all over again.

Yes, I know that I am the adult.  Yes, I know that I'm letting my 4 year old manipulate me.  Yes, I know that I should be "the bigger person" and not engage her.  But you know what? I'm sure there are many moms out there that think the same way I do- I just want you to calm the f**k down, go to bed, and let me have five f***ing minutes to myself!!! So, yes, my fuse is short at 8:30 at night when all this is going on.  All I want is some peace and quiet, and this little sh*t is keeping it from me!! 

Now that I've shared my ranting with you, I feel better.  I KNOW I can't be the only mom out there that feels this way.  I think all moms, when they are being honest with themselves, will acknowledge that no one can make you go from warm and fuzzy love to rage in a matter of 10 seconds quite like your kids can.  I know I'm not perfect.  I know that I sometimes let my girls get the best of me, and I lose my temper.  But, I'm also the first to go to them later and explain to them that "Mommy is a person that sometimes makes mistakes, and she's sorry to have yelled/said bad words/etc."  I think kids need to understand that everyone (including Mommy) has their limit and they can only take so much.  They also need to see that parents make mistakes in the way they behave sometimes, and it's important to apologize to our kids when needed.  

FYI: During the time I've typed this, Megan has had yet-again another nightly meltdown.  I'm proud to say that I did NOT engage her (much), and focused my attention to this post instead.  Baby steps...  Good night, all!

On the Way Out

It's been waaaaay too long since I've written. Work has been insane, the girls finished dance and had their recitals, we've been struck by several flus the past 2 months, and things are kind of settling down.

This "end of the year" time always makes me ultra-reflective. I think about how I was as a teacher this year. Did I build up my students enough? Did I pass on as many life and academic lessons as possible? Did I teach them everything they'll need for next year? Was I as patient with them as I wanted to be (mostly)? Did I do ALL that could?? Unfortunately, these types of questions will never be definitively answered due to their very nature. I just have to believe the answer is "yes"...to all of it. I know that I pushed myself to help them all that I could. I know that they are leaving me better than when they came in. I truly believe I've taught them many lessons to use in life when it comes to getting along with others, having compassion for others, and striving to be a good person inside and out.

There's so much I think about during this last week other than just my students. I think of my friends at school. These are the people I see 5 out of 7 days a week. We talk, laugh, share together. We all have good intentions to get together over break, but that rarely happens as often as we'd like. I'll miss my daily chat routines, and snacking on much-needed chocolate together. I will miss my friends over the summer...

Lastly, many people don't get the huge adjustment it is to go from working all year, to not. I go from having a scheduled, somewhat-predictable day where I have control over EVERYTHING...to a flexible, relaxed day where my kids affect a lot of my planning. This is really difficult. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls more than anything and I love spending time with them. But, I'm not used to the stay-at-home-mom thing. God bless those who do it daily because the girls have the ability to drive me insane like nothing else!

So, I've got lots of thoughts swirling around in my head lately. I'm sure many of you might, too. I'm hoping to be posting much more regularly soon, now that school will be over on Friday. So, for now, good night!!