What do you think of when you think of the concept of mariage? Do you get warm fuzzy feelings? Anxiety? Does a smile come to your lips? If you are married- would the reaction you have now be different than the reaction you would've had if I'd asked before you'd been married? If so, you're NOT alone.
I grew up with not the best example of a peaceful marriage. My mother and biological father were divorced, and I'd often hear my mom and step-father arguing late at night when we'd gone to bed. (I don't remember what they were arguing about at the time, but I'm sure now that I've been married a few years, I could probably guess.) While those examples might not have been ideal, I did have other marriages to dream of modeling my own after some day. My best friend growing up had parents that had been together since college. They went on trips together, were hippies together, always seemed to be happy, and are still married today. I had the TV parents- The Keatons, The Huxtables, The Seavers, the Taylors, and The Hogans (not the wrestling family), to look up to. No matter what problem these families faced, it could be solved within 30 minutes. I really thought that life (marriage specifically) would be like it was on TV for the most part. They never showed the parents screaming at one another, insulting one another, getting incredibly stressed out, being resentful of each other, etc. I wish they had though...
I think that having this ideal picture of marriage made me ill-prepared for my own. Don't get me wrong- I love my husband, and if I had it to do all over again, I'd still pick him. I believe 100% that we were brought together by God for a reason... it's just that sometimes there are days I struggle to see what that reason my be. There are days we get so angry with each other that I can't imagine that it's going to be like this FOREVER, but within a day or two things will calm down and we'll continue on our way. But, I think that if I'd actually seen on TV the everyday challenges that people faced in marriage, it would have helped. During my newlywed years, I thought that something was seriously wrong and Hubby and I were in danger of lasting for the long term- until I talked to two women. The first woman I talked to was my sister-in-law, and she laughed when I asked her if marriage is supposed to be hard! She said the first years are AWFUL, and anyone that says differently are not being honest. The second person I talked to was a best friend. She had gotten married almost 2 months after me, and I can clearly remember us sitting together lamenting how our "newlywed stages" weren't going exactly as planned! I have to say that I finally felt GOOD that my marraige wasn't always roses and sunshine! I finally knew for sure that I wasn't the only one that sometimes struggled with connecting how I thought marraige would be, and how it actually is.
So, for those of you out there that envisoned your marraige being like those from the 30 minute sitcoms of the 80s and 90s, it's OK if your marriage doesn't always resemble that of Elise and Steven Keaton. It's OK if there are days you just want to sit in the bathroom and scream into a towel because you are just so angry at your spouse (a totally hypothetical situation!). It's OK if you temporarily envision yourself pulling over and kicking his @ss out the door if he tells you you're following the person in front of you too closely ONE MORE TIME (again, hypothetically). Lastly, it's OK to take your marraige one day at a time, and continue to learn about your partner and everything that makes them special, unique, and perfect for you. Try to find out exactly what those reasons were of why God chose this person for you- why are you a perfect fit? Be the starring couple in your own 30 minute sitcom, and write it as you go.
**If you happen to have a marriage that is roses and sunshine, and really always bilssful- congratulations. It DOES happen, and you're one of the lucky couples. Please don't take offense by the post...**
No comments:
Post a Comment